Sowmya Hiremat

Oh u will always pick
The hot one who treats
You like u barely existing
Then be miserable, even sick

You will always sit
With the anger and not
Share it when they make
Subtle jokes of your knitting 

Yes you will always smile 
And say okay to that friend
Who asks you for money and
Never returns it even when asked

Yes you will wake up at 5am
On Sunday to host your husbands
35 friends who at 2am decided 
to watch the match at ur home

You will cry in the mall’s loo
As they knock the door &
Then fix your face to come out
And go watch that movie you hate

That’s how deeply etched is
Self abandonment in our bodies
It’s shows up daily and not as 
Grand gesture but in tiny acts. 

Many little acts that put your
Need, nurture, space, safety 
Behind a long list of all the 
Wants of the world.

It ain’t some minute battle
This work of Self- Love
It is war that you must wage
With your own old self with love.

It did it’s part in keeping you
Safe when it had to. But now
It won’t let you breath & you
Will stiffle & die if you stay

You must see this fact
Set fear aside for a little bit
Say to this blue beard of a habit
“You can stay only if you abide”

It need not die for peace to exist
Just a little tweak and a wee shift 
A new role and then we walk
In our own power and not fear it

It will happen but it will take a bit
And patience and persistence 
And also friends n family n people
Who hold the candle with love

As you journey on… towards home.