Sowmya Hiremat

This body, the one u see is the ultimate gift I have received for no reason. That’s what I know now. It was not the case, for a very long time. 

It was never perfect in my eyes. It was too short, too dark, too fat, too wide. There was always a big “IF” attached to it.  If I was taller, if I was fairer, thinner, slender, yada yada yada. I saw it as inadequate because it did not fit the conventional definition of the world. I believed this absolutely & was never happy about it, with it. There was even a point in my life when I believed, my body was a prison and I used to search for escapes from it  - mentally, physically, emotionally. 

I turned a corner, miraculously by some divine grace and I see this body of mine in a new light. It has taken me 40 years to truly acknowledge how much it has loved me. Unwaveringly. I see the soft strength of it, in its belief, patience, endurance of my treatment towards it in all these years. It has borne all my overuse, detachment, abuse, ignoring,hating and disowning so gracefully .. & not once has given up on me. Not once has it revolted against the unfairness I have rained on it. It has patiently waited and hoped for me to love it. 

This body has been my rock all my life not once failing me. It has done so much for me. And for this I am greatful beyond any words. I have minimized it’s contribution so far but I have learnt from my mistakes. Just the iceberg of this realization breaks my heart now. I wonder how could I do this to one thing that is the reason for my existence. Because the fact is without this functioning body I am dead. Null. Nothing. Non-existent. 

I have pledged to acknowledge it, accept it and love it as it is, in all its glory. I will do my very best to be by its side no matter what is said about it. For it’s got only me… and I have got only her. And if I don’t learn to love from it then I will never learn to love from anything or anyone. Each day I am committing to celebrate it, protect it and more than anything respect it for all that it does for me without an expectation- day in day out. I have a lot to make up. Even though I know forgiveness is it’s other name, I want to earn it through my committee, consistent actions. 

I may never be able to love it as much as it loves me but I will die trying. On my death bed I will ensure I am at peace with how I have treated her. This is my promise to her and I will keep it.