Sowmya Hiremat

The need for approval is an innate basic necessity for humans-Just like food. It’s very hard to live without it. We feel the lack of it just like we feel hunger pangs. Remember the time when you presented this great idea to your boss and it went I acknowledged. Or that time when your friend asked you to lend some money but you couldn’t. Or when your parents insisted you visit them but you had a work thing and you couldn’t.

It is a feeling I am uncomfortably familiar with. Being liked, accepted, validated by people I love is necessary for me. It is necessary for everyone. I have also learnt that I loose track of myself, my purpose in life, my authenticity when am blinded by this need. Becoming addicted to external approval, validation is very easy and the price paid for it is peace of mind. Because the internal struggle to do what I feel, what I want is suppressed. Sometimes I am agitated, angered even because I dint stand up for my needs because of this need. Then shame & guilt add upto it. This then creates a sinkhole of self loathing which eats away at myself esteem.

So it’s a fine line and I am learning to walk it. In the process I have realized it is necessary to be empathetic to the world around me and to myself. The idea is not to sacrifice one for another but to strike a balance with boundaries and kindness towards both. It is  acknowledging I am human, hence my time, energy and abilities have limits.  Accepting this has  opened doors for me - to building a more centered relationship with myself which is based on respect and trust in my discernment. This approach reaffirms my decision to say no which comes from a place of love and not dislike. It is a very empowering and enabling feeling. Through it I see a world full of compassion, kindness and peace